In a pinch a phone can also be used as a first aid kit.
Remember that all electronic devices are programmed to display different times.
Wash your hands before using a phone. No one wants to use a gunked up phone.
Aerosol biohazards can only reach 1 foot. If encountered just walk away.
Because of their high quality materials, only name brand clothes will protect you. But you have to use three.
Cape Girardeau has the best Tic-Tac-Toe related injury hospital in Missouri.
The Swiss will molest you while you sleep.
Contaminated areas can be spotted easily by the red brackets that surround them.
In case of contamination, don’t panic. While you can’t reach a shelter it’s ok because contamination only occurs in sealed off areas.
Be wary of a red arrow. It may mislead you.
Casually walk by biohazards. If you don’t acknowledge them they won’t bother you.
Fish and birds will instinctively die on warning signs. Kick them aside to view the sign.
Red, Orange, and Green will let their powers combine to choke you.
Radiation, orange juice, and Kool-Aid are the three ingredients for a hurricane.
Do not set your house on fire. Nor should you purchase a burning house.
Terrorists define traditional families as a man, women, and 1 child. If your family is different you’re screwed.
You may become gigantic if exposed to radiation. If so be sure to focus on a career on Broadway.
In case of a fire use the fire exit. The elevator is sealed off anyway. Also, make sure there is a fire.
Don’t ever, EVER, use a door.
A small cloth will repel perfectly formed droplets.
Everyone has bad days. Don’t let it get you down.
If you are hurt look for faceless strangers walking around with Swiss brief cases.
If you are alarmed by the illegibility of a Biohazard warning, don’t worry, a fire will take care of that.
Elevators should not be used by anyone . . . ever.
If you come across a red arrow caught in a door, casually walk past.
Red arrows and polygons are natural enemies. Cower under your desk until the fight is over.
If you are standing in the middle of the street consider possible escape routes.
Orange arrows are friendly and will guide you to safety.
During a terrorist attack appliances have the tendency to gaze at you with indifference.
You’ll probably be fine if you stand on the threshold of less radiation.
If you see a series of red circles remember that they are radioactive.
Make sure you are well stocked with time bombs and radioactive materials.
